you come into the world alone and you go out of the world alone, yet it seems to me you are more alone while living than while coming and going

i have never felt so alone while being surrounded by so many people. im finding it so hard to keep smiling but i know i have to. there is bigger stuff than me going on and if i stop then everyone will know that ive been lying, putting on a brave face so that i would take on what i couldnt. so that they could put trust in me that i couldnt handle. rely on me when i cant even rely on myself. im tired. but i know im not at the end yet. im not even close.

and the worst part of it all is that while they keep leaning on me, i keep having no one offering to let me lean on them.